The Marriage of True Minds
by Claire Kent
Summary: Kathryn is lost, beyond even the reach of Q, and Chakotay is found close to death ...
1. Chapter 1

Well here it is, the first story I have ever tried to publish. Please let me know what you think, I really would appreciate any input. Thank you!

Prologue:

**Q: **

You know how fond I am of Kathy. Even though Lady Q doesn't approve of her, I often feel there is a cord attaching me to the little captain, and yes, even to that insignificant ship of hers and her assorted crew. To the point that, if the cord were to be broken, to borrow a phrase, I fear I might begin bleeding inwardly, quite a feat in itself for a Q.

And so I knew at once today that something was very wrong with her – a coldness, a darkness, had come over me, and with it an unfamiliar sensation, that of fear for someone else. This feeling told me to act at once, and I followed my instincts to the frozen, blasted planet surface. But when I got there and found a broken figure lying on the ice, it was not the gallant little captain, but her ever-faithful liege-man, Voyager's first officer, Chakotay, and of Kathy there was no sign.


	2. Chapter 2

Star Trek, Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount – I just wanted to take them out for a while and see where they took me in return.

Chapter 2.

**Harry Kim:**

I love taking the night shift on _Voyager_. Tom Paris laughs at me, says I love the feeling of self-importance, of being in charge, but it's not really that. I enjoy the feel of a silent vessel flashing through the stars, whilst many of the crew are asleep and dreaming of their home planets. And yes, if I'm honest, I enjoy sitting in the command chair. I think about Libby, about my folks at home, about Starfleet, and about this ship, and our odyssey through the Delta Quadrant. And about the people I have come to know well on our journey. Tuvok, whom I respect and admire. B'Elanna, the fiery Maquis who has become such a fine engineer. The holographic Doctor who has grown so far beyond his original programming. The lovely Kes, who left us to embark on her own new journey. Seven of Nine, whom the captain has helped to become such a fine member of our crew – and who, I must admit, is so easy on the eye.. Neelix, whose warmth and humour has made this voyage so much more pleasant. Commander Chakotay, a mentor and friend. Tom Paris, my best friend, the one who stops me taking myself too seriously, but is always there when I need him. And above all, Captain Janeway, the beating heart of this crew, the white flame who leads us towards home. I would give my life for all of them, and part of the reason I love this shift is that I feel I can give them something in return, by watching over their rest.

There have been times when I've had to call for help, or to act whilst in command, but usually the night shifts pass uneventfully, and these days I don't ask for status reports from the bridge crew every five minutes. Tonight seemed no different, except that the Captain and Commander were away from the ship, having taken a shuttle to a nearby star system to trade for supplies for _Voyager_, and so that the Commander could visit a planet in the system with rare archaeological remains. I hoped that they could enjoy a trip away, and each other's company.

A sudden white flash over at Ops heralded the end of my quiet day-dreaming, and ushered in a nightmare.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Tom Paris:**

I was woken in the early hours by the shrill beeping of my comm-badge, and by Harry's urgent voice calling senior staff to the bridge. Throwing on my uniform, I raced up there, meeting Tuvok and B'Elanna on the way. As I arrived on the bridge, two things struck me straight away. One was the presence of Q, who for once was lacking his usual arrogant air, and looked anxious, almost vulnerable. The other was the glassy, grey-green planet which now dominated the main view-screen.

As Tuvok moved to the command chair, and Harry over to Ops, Q held his hands up in apparent surrender, saying quietly, "Before you attempt to throw me off the ship, Tuvok, you need to hear this."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow in his usual unflappable style, and I noticed that two security officers had already unobtrusively taken up position by the turbolift doors. "Mr Kim, report."

Harry seemed shaken but responded at once. "We have been diverted from our course, sir, and have travelled over 120 light years, arriving in orbit over the planet below. The planet is L Class, with a frozen surface and constant sub-zero temperatures".

With this, Q broke in urgently "Scan for life signs, Kim. You will find your Commander Chakotay down there, I believe severely injured. I have brought you here, Tuvok – I became aware of a darkness, a wrongness, and on coming to this planet, found Chakotay down there all but dead, and Kathy … the captain, missing. I am unable to feel her presence. Something is very amiss."

The white flash of Q's departure almost went unnoticed as we sprang into action. For once, I was glad of Tuvok's calm approach, as he ordered Harry to scan the planet and then alerted sick-bay. He sent B'Elanna and I down to the planet surface with a rescue team to retrieve Chakotay, and a search party to look for the captain.

We beamed down onto a barren landscape crouched shivering under a leaden sky. Too cold for snow, frozen and paralysed in icy winds, the ground lay under a rigid sheet of green ice. There was only one sign of life, and that so faint and erratic that our tricorders had trouble detecting it. Heads down against the biting wind, we scanned the area, until with a cry B'Elanna alerted me that she had found one of our friends.

Chakotay lay broken and near death on the unforgiving ice, his breath rattling in his throat. I scanned him, finding internal injuries, fractured bones and, inevitably, advanced hypothermia. Beyond this, he was deep in a coma, his half-open eyes turned up blindly in his ashen face, to the bleak sky.

B'Elanna, with tears streaming down her face, ordered an emergency transport to sickbay for him, while I tried to stabilize his breathing and vital functions as well as I could. As his still form disappeared in the blue dazzle of the beam, B'Elanna and I looked at each other, each reading the other's doubt that Chakotay could survive this.

And then we joined the search party in the task of trying to find our captain, already knowing that our chances of finding her alive were slim.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing, it has really helped me to have feedback! Please do let me know what you think. Claire.

**Chapter 4 **

**The Doctor: **

As ever I am prepared for all eventualities, but even I was shaken by the Commander's condition when he was beamed to sickbay. His traumatic injuries appeared to have been inflicted by being thrown heavily on to the icy surface of the planet, resulting in several bone fractures, hypothermia and shock. Internally, he was suffering from damage to his liver and this had resulted in internal bleeding. Finally, he was in a deep coma, which appeared, worryingly, to result from something more than his injuries and from the hypothermia, severe as they were.

The priority was to treat Chakotay's internal injuries and to warm his body gently. Skilled as I am, I was not at all sure that the Commander was going to pull through this ordeal. And I was also very concerned for the Captain, who was still missing.

Scans of the planet surface revealed no trace of her life-signs, comm-badge or of the shuttle, and so Mr Tuvok recalled the search party to _Voyager_. Our search would have to spread wider, though if even Q was unable to sense Captain Janeway's presence, I feared that she could well be dead.

For the next several hours, I worked on Chakotay, healing the damage to his organs, renewing his blood and setting his broken bones. He had fractures to his ribs and his right shoulder, as well as severe bruising to much of his body. With the use of gentle warmth, and also with the provision of blood, his hypothermia began to decrease. It was now a matter of waiting to see whether he would recover.

What concerned me was that, though my instruments showed that his body seemed to be beginning to heal, the coma showed no signs of retreating. It was like nothing I had ever seen. The Commander has a robust constitution, and I hoped that ultimately this would help him recover, but I must confess I was at a loss about how to wake him. I have often induced a coma after traumatic injury, and unconsciousness can certainly be helpful to assist the body to recover, but Chakotay's brain activity seemed almost non-existent.

**B'Elanna Torres:**

The search on the planet surface drew a blank and as soon as we returned to _Voyager_, I went straight to sick-bay to see Chakotay. His colour was better, and the doctor had healed his injuries so that he looked more ….. whole, but the doctor told me that his life-signs were very low, and that Chakotay was still deep in a coma.

I sat by his bed, talking to him, reminding him of our times in the Maquis, the adventures we had had, telling him we needed him, that he had better not leave us and that wherever she was, the Captain needed him too.

"Don't you die on me, Chakotay, don't you dare," I whispered, over and over.

When Tom came to join me, we sat quietly beside the bed, Tom's arm draped comfortingly over my shoulders, while I held Chakotay's hand, now warmer, but somehow lifeless. I had feared for the life of my oldest friend before, many times, but never felt the sense of hopelessness which overcame me now. At first I blinked my eyes against the warm tears, but they spilled over and in the end I let them fall unchecked.

As we sat, I thought about our friendship and of the truths we had shared. Chakotay has always been important to me, at one time I had been very attracted to him, but our bond was now closer to that of brother and sister, of true friends. I think he felt that I was the one person on _Voyager _he could confide in - he had spoken to me about his feelings for the Captain, and what struck me as unutterably sad now was that he might now never had the chance to tell her he loved her, and finally to break down the barriers of protocol and for her to open her heart to him in return. I looked at Tom, knowing that the slowly unfurling relationship between us was becoming one of the most important things in my life. I could not bear that Chakotay, whose love for the Captain ran deeper than anything I had ever seen, might now die without her.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Seven of Nine:**

Whilst clearly concerned about the injuries Commander Chakotay had received, and for the fact that Captain Janeway was missing, I refrained from allowing any emotional considerations to interfere with an efficient response to the crisis. In this, I differed from many of V_oyager'_s crew, who, as I have noted on previous occasions, tend to respond emotionally to anything affecting their crewmates, and who were clearly traumatized by current events. This I believe is not effective, although I have to allow that the crew do normally obtain a successful outcome to most situations.

I therefore concentrated my attention on searching for the Captain's shuttle – as even Q had failed to detect her presence, I believed it would be inefficient to search for the Captain herself. The retrieval of the shuttle might, however, enable us to trace the Captain's whereabouts.

My colleagues on _Voyager_ have told me that they sometimes find solutions to problems when they are sleeping, and I awoke from my regeneration cycle having formed a hypothesis as to where to search. In the astrometrics lab, I reconfigured the sensors to search for temporal displacement. It had occurred to me that perhaps it was not so vital _where _to look for the shuttle, as _when._

And indeed after several hours of scanning the sector, I detected traces of chroniton particles, suggesting a temporal shift. I contacted the bridge, and requested that we approach the coordinates and emit a tachyon burst, in an attempt to illuminate subspace and potentially find the shuttle.

The burst lit the darkness, revealing _Voyager_'s shuttle, hanging dead in space, and with no signs of life aboard.

**Tuvok:**

Seven of Nine's ingenious approach had discovered the shuttle, but scans showed that Captain Kathryn Janeway was not aboard. I ordered the vessel to be tractored aboard _Voyager _in order to carry out full tests, detailing Seven and Lieutenant Torres to scan the shuttle comprehensively.

Disturbingly, their search revealed considerable traces of the Captain's blood inside the shuttle, and it required some effort for me to remain objective. Kathryn Janeway is my friend, and though I was aware that my reactions were not entirely logical, I grew increasingly resolved to determine her fate and if possible, and if it was not too late, to prevent her death.

Although I have little need of his ministrations myself, I was also aware that Mr Neelix would be of value under these circumstances in assisting with crew morale, and I instructed him to act accordingly. Surprisingly, I also found myself somewhat comforted by his compassionate approach.

After meditation, I resolved on a course of action. We had little information as to the Captain's fate, and the Doctor informed me that Commander Chakotay remained in a deep coma. I would attempt a Vulcan mind-meld with him, to ascertain if possible whether I could access his memories of the events surrounding his injuries and the Captain's disappearance.


	6. Chapter 6

_I am back at work this week, so please bear with me if the chapters are a little further apart! Thank you so much for reading my story, I am having a wonderful time writing it. Claire._

**Neelix:**

I must confess to feeling quite helpless. Of course I have done all I can to boost the spirits of the crew - Mr Tuvok is depending on me, and I know Captain Janeway relies on me as her morale officer, but this is such a dreadful situation. I miss the Captain very much, and it is awful to see Commander Chakotay so ill, he is so pale and still. I'm not sure what to do to help, I have been sitting with him often and talking to him, as many of the crew has, but he seems to have gone very far away, maybe too far to bring back. I have brought some of his items from his quarters, including his medicine bundle, and I hope they can give him some comfort and perhaps help him to find his way back to us.

When Mr Tuvok said he was going to perform the mind-meld today, I asked if I could be there too. The Commander has been a good friend to me, he has advised and helped me many times, and I wanted to be there to help him in return, and maybe somehow to be an emotional support for him and for Mr Vulcan. I know also that the Commander's spiritual beliefs, though different from mine, are vital to him, and perhaps he needs a friend in whatever realm he is walking in.

The Doctor told us that he has healed the Commander's more obvious injuries and treated his hypothermia, but admitted that the deep coma Chakotay is in, is causing him great disquiet. He agreed that the mind-meld might be the only option open to us, but insisted it be closely supervised, being concerned both for Chakotay and for Mr Tuvok. He and I watched as Tuvok sat down quietly next to the bed, and took a few moments to calm and centre himself.

I know, better than most, that Mr Vulcan has great, though usually very well concealed, depths of kindness. Though he saw this mind-meld as the best course of action to find out what had happened and to trace the Captain, yet he was also glad to risk his own well-being to try to help Commander Chakotay. He moved closer to him, and placed his fingers gently and yes, compassionately on the Commander's face at temple, cheekbone and jaw.

"My mind to your mind ….. my thoughts to your thoughts …. "

For long moments, Tuvok was silent, focusing all his powers of concentration on forming the link. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he struggled to reach Chakotay. And then I saw the moment that his mind connected to the Commander's.

And then, shockingly, Mr Tuvok began to weep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tuvok:**

It is too much. The suffering is intense. I see the Captain's fate, and feel the Commander's agony … I do not comprehend fully what has happened, it seems they were attacked, but it is more complex … I am unsure whether the Commander is aware of my presence, I am attempting to reassure him, but his feelings are too strong, and are combining with my own shock and grief .. I risk being overwhelmed.

Nevertheless I must calm myself, must communicate to the Doctor and Mr Neelix what I see and hear, and something of what Chakotay is enduring. Perhaps we can assist him in some way.

I am Vulcan, I am master of my emotions, and I must focus. My mind to his mind, my thoughts to his thoughts …..

**Chakotay:**

She cannot be gone. Fate cannot be so cruel as to take her from me again. And yet I saw her die. If she is gone, I do not wish to live. I saw her die. I cannot bear it. I saw her life's blood pouring from her small frame, her dear face turning white as ice, and yet I could not help her. Why could I not help her? I tried to staunch the flow of blood, but it was if I was moving underwater, everything was slowed …

And now I am in this desolate landscape. Am I dreaming, am I in a vision quest, am I dying, or am I dead too? If I am truly dead I must search for her spirit, I must ask for the help of my spirit guide, of my ancestors, perhaps I may find her, perhaps we may be together …

Yet I cannot feel her presence, her warmth, her fire, her vitality. If she is gone, I do not wish to live, or to exist in this place, I wish only for dreamless sleep, for extinction.

Perhaps if I try to remember, to anchor my thoughts, I may know where to search. But I feel so alone, and grief is like a leaden stone weighing my steps, my thoughts.

Do not leave me, Kathryn …


	8. Chapter 8

_I have upgraded the rating to T just to be on the safe side, I think I am erring on the side of caution though!_

_Thank you very much for the lovely and really helpful feedback I have received, it has meant so much to me. I didn't think I could do this, I've never had the confidence to try before, and it is such an enriching experience. Thank you._

**The Doctor:**

Alarmed and distressed though Neelix and I were by Tuvok's initial reaction to the mind-meld, I naturally remained professional and continued to monitor both him and Commander Chakotay. There seemed to be a small increase in the Commander's brain activity, which I took to be encouraging; and Tuvok's vital signs steadied after a moment, as he regained some control of his emotions. Neelix still looked distraught, but managed to retain a grip on his feelings.

We waited, and after a moment Tuvok began to speak. Though he was uncharacteristically hesitant, he spoke clearly and calmly, relaying to us Commander Chakotay's thoughts and mental images.

His first words confirmed our worst fears.

"It would seem that Captain Kathryn Janeway is dead".

**Chakotay:**

I stand in this stricken landscape, bleached bone-white under a lowering sky, there are flashes of lightning on the horizon, but strangely I do not hear thunder. I want to search for Kathryn, to find out if anything of her is here, but I do not know where to start.

I begin to walk across the barren land, nothing grows here, there is nothing, no indication of life of any kind, either animal or insect or plant life. And there are no bright colours, only muted shades – all is featureless, monochrome, lifeless. And silent.

The desolation of the landscape echoes the devastation of my heart. A leaden weight of despair sits in my chest, but I cannot even weep, can only keep putting one foot in front of the other, to try to hold on to the idea of finding her.

I have never felt so alone, so hopeless, so far from any help – I can see no sign of my animal guide, I do not even know how to ask for help, it is as if my will and my strength has been bled away with Kathryn's life force. And yet by gradual degrees, as I walk, I become aware of someone walking next to me, someone who is trying to help, to calm me, to enable me to remember ... he is offering the quiet of his own spirit to strengthen mine. I reach out like a drowning man to him, and he anchors my thoughts so that I can start to remember and perhaps to know where to begin my search. And he supports me as I reach into the torment of my memories.


	9. Chapter 9

_"We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep …"_

**Chakotay:**

I remember … we were travelling in the shuttle, on our way back to _Voyager_; we were talking, laughing, reminiscing about our trip and about times past. I remember thinking how much I valued being with Kathryn, spending time with her, enjoying the warmth of her presence, and the rare gift of time alone together. After a while we both lapsed into our own thoughts, comfortable with each other; silent, relaxed and easy in each other's company. As I so often do, I imagined how in another place, other circumstances, we could have been truly together. But for now, I was content merely to feel the current of friendship and love between us, and to know the true peace she brought me.

There was no warning. A sudden, massive jolt and a paralysing shock, as if of collision with something infinitely larger than our little vessel. A sensation of falling, we were totally out of control. A fleeting, strange impression of unreality, of being outside myself in some way. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, it ceased. I turned to try to reach out for Kathryn, to make sure she was unharmed, but the very air inside the shuttle seemed to twist and shift, and there was a flash as if the air itself had shattered…

A blast of intense power struck us. It seemed as if the atmosphere in the shuttle splintered like glass, and threw out a shockwave which brushed me aside. A fissure of brilliant white light opened, and a shard, a bolt, emerged from it like a spear … and it struck Kathryn. She gave a single, agonized cry, and fell.

Fighting a nightmare feeling of helplessness, I crawled over to her … Kathryn was lying limp, broken; a dreadful starburst wound gaping open in her chest, and her blood was already beginning to soak her uniform and to pool darkly on the floor around her.

I pulled off my jacket and pressed it to the wound, trying in vain to staunch it and to believe I could help her, but already my spirit felt the dread that my mind denied. Her heart was pumping her life's blood out of her, and try as I might I could not slow it, I ransacked the med-kit, tried a coagulant spray, but the blood loss was too heavy. I hit my comm-badge repeatedly, but was met with nothing but static, _Voyager_ must still be out of range, we were alone, and I was left with the stark reality that I could do nothing to save my Kathryn.

I leaned over her, my tears now falling freely, and she looked up at me, her lips framing the words, "Cold …so cold."

Gently I held her to me, trying to warm her, trying to infuse her with my strength, but I knew in my heart that she was leaving me. I looked down at her beloved face, drained now of colour, and into her sapphire eyes, from which the spark of her life was fast fading, and I uttered at last, and too late, the words I had longed for so many years to say to her.

"Kathryn, I love you. With all that I am, I love you. You have brought delight to my heart and balm to my soul, you have brought me peace and love and joy. I love you".

She heard me, I know – she tried to frame a smile, to raise her hand to my face, and she whispered my name.

And then, she died.

I do not know how long I sat there, cradling her lifeless form. I know I wept, that I cried out against fate. After some while, I came a little to my senses, and tried again to contact _Voyager_, but there was still nothing but static. I sat next to Kathryn, talking to her, holding her cold hand, numb with a desolation I would not have thought possible. I spoke my people's words for the dead, trying to give her spirit wings to find the afterlife, but after a time I just sat, utterly defeated and alone.

But the air began to shift and twist again, and seemed to split apart. And …her body vanished. She was there, and then she was not. Even her body has been taken from me. I cried out, and then the twisting in the air took me too, and cast me aside, and time and space no longer had any meaning.

And then I knew no more until I woke in this desert place.

Truly, as she has said, I cannot imagine a day without her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Neelix:**

I just can't accept it. Not Captain Janeway … for her to die in such a terrible way … and the Commander's suffering ...it feels as if my heart is breaking.

I heard Chakotay speaking through Mr Tuvok. I was weeping, but felt no need to wipe away my tears, knowing that the Captain would have shed tears for me. And now I offered my grief to her memory, remembering her kindness to Kes and I, the welcome she had given us and the dignity she had afforded me, which had allowed me to believe in myself again. I must stay strong now for her, for the crew. But how hard it would be to carry on without her.

It was silent as Mr Tuvok gently broke the connection with Chakotay. My Vulcan friend stood quietly for a moment, gathering his thoughts; I could almost see the pieces of his mental shielding coming back into place. But I had seen the pain in his dark eyes. And an echo, a mere shadow, of the dreadful anguish Chakotay was feeling in his own private and lonely torment.

When Tuvok spoke again, there was still some resonance in his voice of the emotional trauma he had suffered and shared.

"I had not realised … the depth of feeling the Commander has for Captain Janeway. Her death is tearing his spirit apart. I believe he thinks he is dying, or already dead, and the one thing giving him any purpose is the idea of trying to find her spirit. But he is letting go, the bonds linking him to this life are weakening. We must find a way to help him. If indeed he is not already beyond our help."

Tuvok stood patiently, and allowed the Doctor to scan him for any physical after-effects of the meld. The Doctor nodded confirmation that he was free to leave. Then, looking briefly over at the Commander lying motionless on his bed, he said, "I must meditate, search for a solution and … try to recover my equilibrium". And he turned and left sickbay.

The Doctor was uncharacteristically quiet as he went to check Chakotay's readings, which were now so low as to be almost imperceptible. It is sometimes difficult to know how to react to the Doctor, but I was sure I could sense grief emanating from him, too. I waited quietly to see whether he had need of me, after all I am here to help everyone on this crew, whether they are made of flesh and blood, or of light. After a while he turned to me and, photonic being or not, there was pain in his face.

I put my hand on his shoulder, and tried to convey some comfort to him. He looked at me, and almost smiled.

"Thank you Mr Neelix. Your kindness is appreciated. But whatever shall we do without both of them?"

And to that question, I had no answer to give.

**B'Elanna:**

Engineering was quiet. It was as if the whole ship was waiting, holding its breath, to see if Tuvok could help Chakotay and perhaps find the Captain. It is not in my nature to wait quietly – I paced back and forth, but knowing I had to set a good example to the people in my section, I managed to stay fairly controlled. But it was so hard, waiting to hear. And the faces of my staff reflected my own fears and sense of helplessness.

After what seemed like days, but must have been only a few hours, Tuvok called the senior staff to the briefing room. He waited for us to be seated, and looked around, seemingly gathering his strength to speak. When he did so, his words were so direct that they seemed almost brutal, though I think he did not know how else to express them.

"It is my difficult duty to have to inform you, that I believe Captain Kathryn Janeway is dead. Moreover, Commander Chakotay remains in a critical condition, and I am doubtful that he will recover".

After a pause, Tuvok went on to give the harrowing description of his mind-meld with Chakotay, and to tell us of the Captain's death on the shuttle. Tom reached out and took my hand, and I clung to it for some degree of comfort. My heart bled for Chakotay, and, though I had known that the Captain must be dead, my mind recoiled in shock from hearing it said out loud. She had become a second mother to me, the Starfleet Captain whose faith in me, an angry Maquis rebel, had given my life purpose and direction.

Tuvok ended with these words; "I need not remind you that this is going to be a very difficult time for all of us. I am assuming command, and am relying on each of you to set an example for the crew. We will proceed in accordance with Captain Janeway's intentions, to bring _Voyager _home, and to uphold Starfleet principles on our journey. We will do all in our power to help Commander Chakotay to recover, in which case he will of course be in command. But I have to state that I do not believe his recovery is likely".

"We will hold a memorial service for Captain Janeway, but let the record show that we have lost a unique and gifted officer; a fine leader who will be mourned by the entire crew of this ship, and a woman I was proud to call my friend".

The silence following Tuvok's speech was broken as Harry stood suddenly and ran from the room. Tom squeezed my hand and then went after him, while the rest of us sat in a heavy silence.

After a moment, Tuvok turned to me and said quietly, "Lieutenant Torres, please accompany me to the ready room. I believe I may require your assistance." And so I took a deep breath, reminded myself of my duty, and followed him out of the room.


	11. Chapter 11

**B'Elanna:**

When I arrived in the ready room, Tuvok was seated, not at the desk, but on the long couch under the viewports. I could see that, even for him, this was very difficult, and I felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy and fellow feeling for him. He might seem calm and controlled, his unemotional approach the opposite of my own character, but I knew that the Captain's death was causing him deep distress. I went and stood before him, and he invited me to sit.

"Lieutenant Torres. As you are aware, I have been using a mind-meld to attempt to reach Commander Chakotay in his current ordeal."

He paused, and I nodded to encourage him to continue.

"As I am now in command of V_oyager_, my priority must be the efficient running of this ship, and the care of the crew, especially after the ... loss of Captain Janeway. However, I realize the importance of helping the Commander. And although in many ways I am best suited to assist him, I believe that on this occasion he might better be reached by someone who has a deep emotional link with him.

"I understand that previously you have talked to the Commander about his beliefs, and that you understand and respect them. I know also that you are close friends. I would like therefore to ask you to consider partaking in a vision quest to try to reach him. Although this approach is different to Vulcan disciplines and indeed to Klingon religious ideas, it may yet, I have concluded, be a possible way to help him, being so central to his own spiritual beliefs.

"It may carry some dangers – Commander Chakotay is deep in a coma, far from us, and I am uncertain whether going further into his mind would be a risk for the one attempting to help him. Yet I feel that you are the logical choice on this occasion – though your emotional approach is very different to my own, I think it is closer to the Commander's character, and you have a bond with him which I lack. I cannot order you to do this, Lieutenant, but I am requesting it."

Tuvok looked at me, waiting for a response. I understood that this must have cost him something to ask, and I respected the fact that he wasn't giving up on Chakotay. And it would give me a way to try to help – I had been feeling so powerless, and I needed a way to fight back. I answered without hesitation.

"I would be glad to try. I am not sure if I have the mental discipline, but Chakotay is my oldest friend. He would do this for me in a heartbeat, and he has risked his life for me many times - if I did not even try, I would never forgive myself."

Tuvok looked at me for a moment, as though seeing me properly for the first time. He nodded.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Torres."

"The Doctor will of course oversee the process, and I have also found Mr Neelix to be a surprisingly useful companion. Take all the time you need to prepare. Ensign Vorik will be in charge of engineering, so please consider this as your only duty for the present. I … wish you well in trying to bring Commander Chakotay home to _Voyager_".

Feeling some faint hope for the first time in a while, I went to start my preparations. But first I had the difficult task of telling Tom.

**Tom Paris:**

When B'Elanna told me what Tuvok had asked of her, my heart was torn. The death of the Captain was weighing heavily on us all, and the grief of losing her was already almost too much for me to bear. As for so many of V_oyager_'s crew, the Captain's faith in me had turned my life around. I felt the loss of a dear friend - I had loved her, in a way which didn't threaten my new love for B'Elanna, but in a way which had enriched my life, and I knew I would miss her profoundly.

And Chakotay was retreating further and further from us, and now we were risking B'Elanna's safety too. But when I saw the determination in her eyes, and the beginnings of a fragile hope, I knew I couldn't stand in her way.

Holding her, I whispered in her ear, "I am so proud of you. Go and try to bring him back for us. I will be waiting for you".

She gave me a brief but fierce hug, and I knew that trusting her to try this was an important step forward for us.

Giving me a last glance, she left me to go to sickbay.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Doctor:**

I must say that I had my misgivings about risking another crew member's mental wellbeing to attempt to rescue Commander Chakotay. The past few days have already cost us too dearly, in a way that I cannot even begin yet to calculate. However, I had my orders from Mr Tuvok, and so I was prepared when Lieutenant Torres came to sickbay, accompanied by Neelix. I saw that she was carrying Chakotay's medicine wheel, as well as her Klingon bat'leth and what looked like a rock crystal.

She looked at me somewhat self-consciously, saying, "I know you don't think very highly of my ability to do this, but I felt that if I brought things that were important to me, and also his medicine wheel, I might be able to connect to this better."

Miss Torres and I have a somewhat prickly relationship, but I could see beyond her defensiveness and sense her determination, and also her pain and loss. I spoke to her much more gently than usual.

"I understand that you want to do this for the Commander, and that we both have our orders. You have a close friendship with Chakotay, and you may well be the only one who has any real chance of helping him.

"I suggest that you take some time to prepare. We will use the _akoonah_ to facilitate your link to him and your entry to this vision quest, and I can also help you to induce a dream-state with the use of this cortical monitor. Mr Neelix and I will be here to support you at each step of the way. I have every faith in you, Lieutenant."

She nodded and half smiled at me, and seated herself on the floor beside Chakotay's bed. Neelix and I spread the medicine wheel out on the floor before her, and placed the crystal and her Klingon weapon nearby. She closed her eyes and began to breathe deeply and regularly. Taking the _akoonah _in her hand, she spoke in a clear voice the words of Chakotay's ritual chant:

"_A-koo-chee-moya._ We are far from the sacred places of all of our grandfathers, and from the bones of our ancestors. But perhaps there is one powerful being who will embrace this man and bring him healing."

**B'Elanna:**

My spiritual beliefs are unclear, even to me – I have never been sure my own religious heritage, let alone Chakotay's deeply held ideals. And so I was not certain if anything at all would happen, or how this mental world, if it existed, might appear. But, either with the help of the Doctor's device, or of Chakotay's _akoonah, _or of my own desperate wish to help him, I became aware after a few moments that I was in a different, unfamiliar place.

I opened my eyes on a scene of desolation, a grey desert. And before me was my beloved friend, in a ragged, blood-stained uniform. He stood gazing at the far horizon, where lightning flickered, looking more alone than I had ever seen him.

I was not sure if I could move, but found that with a thought, I could move towards him. And the first thing I did was to throw my arms around him. He stood quietly, seemingly unaware of my presence, as though nothing mattered to him any more.

"Chakotay!" I shouted in my mind. "You have to come back to us; we need you – now more than ever. I need you!" Perhaps my urgency, or maybe the force of my love for him, was what broke through his indifference, and he turned his haggard dark eyes on me. In them was a look I had never before witnessed in him, of utter hopelessness and a paralysing grief which brought tears to my own eyes. He turned from me and began to walk across the grey dust of the desert floor, and all I could do was follow him. But I knew I had to walk with him.


	13. Chapter 13

**B'Elanna:**

As we began to walk quietly across the desert together, I looked around me. I was beginning to sense that the complete desolation and loneliness of the place must somehow reflect Chakotay's feelings, his own mental landscape. I thought that the lack of any landmarks or features showed how lost he really was, and I hoped that we could begin to find him a way out together, though I was not at all sure how to achieve it. Chakotay didn't seem to know who I was, but he accepted my company. I was thinking of a way to try to reach him, when suddenly he tripped and fell to his knees. And stayed there, kneeling in the dry dust with his face in his hands.

Kneeling down beside him, I put my hands over his and cupped his face, pleading with him to listen.

"Chakotay, try to share this with me, let me see if I can help you. I know you are being destroyed by your own grief, by seeing the Captain - Kathryn – die, but we need you back. You are not alone in this."

Something in my words must have reached him, because he lowered his hands and finally looking me fully in the eyes, whispered, "B'Elanna?"

"It's me, Chakotay; I've come to try to bring you home to _Voyager_. Your body is there, but you are deep in a coma, and your spirit seems to be trapped in this sad place. Tuvok has also tried to help you, and we know through him ... what happened with Kathryn, but we need you to come back to us, and perhaps we can grieve together."

He looked at me for a moment, and then it was if something snapped in him, and he began to sob broken-heartedly. I put my arms around him and held him close, murmuring words of comfort to him. And he spoke to me, brokenly, telling me what he had seen, and of how, if the Captain was truly dead, he had no wish to come back to the living.

"If she is dead, B'Elanna, I want to find her spirit, if I can, and join her, or else cease to exist in any form. Without her, I have no reason to live in any way. She is the other half of me, I cannot survive without her."

I had nothing to give him, and no answer, except the comfort of my presence, but I tried to convey the love I felt for him and the support of our family on _Voyager. _Time had no meaning in this place, but it seemed that we knelt there for many hours, until eventually he sat up, wiping his face with his sleeve. My heart was breaking for him, for both of them.

But then I saw that, where his tears had fallen, there were faint shoots of green life appearing on the desert floor. I looked at him in wonder, and pulled him to his feet. And suddenly I had some idea of what we must do. I grabbed his sleeve and spoke urgently.

"Chakotay. I believe … you are walking the outer path of your medicine wheel, you are lost. I think you need to ask for help, as you do when you enter your vision quests. I do not know if you can find Kathryn's spirit, or what has happened to you both, but I think maybe the answers are within yourself and your beliefs. And whatever happens, there are many people who need you. Please try for me, for all of us, and for yourself – Kathryn would want you to be strong."

He didn't reply at once, but I saw that some part of my resolve was strengthening him. He nodded acquiescence, and we stood together, eyes closed, hand in hand. At length, I heard him quietly speaking the words of his people's chant;

"I am far from the sacred places of my ancestors, and my spirit is heavy. Perhaps there is a powerful being who can help me to find my way and who will give me the answers I seek."

He repeated the words many times, and I spoke them with him. And after a while, I felt a cool breeze whispering across my face. I opened my eyes, and looked. The dark skies filled with flashes of eerie lightning had calmed, and on the eastern horizon was the first sign of a glimmering sunrise and, with it, of coming light. And out of the sunrise I began to see a small figure emerging, walking across the desert floor, which had begun to bloom.

**Neelix:**

The Doctor and I watched as B'Elanna entered the vision quest. Her body relaxed, and her life signs stayed strong and steady. Unlike Tuvok, she did not talk of what she was seeing, but after a while, she began to repeat a chant, speaking Chakotay's words. I didn't know if it would help, but I repeated them with her, with both of them and so, after a moment, did the Doctor. And then she opened her eyes, seeming to look inwards on an inner landscape, and I saw a look of wonder on her face. And she spoke one word.

"Kes."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chakotay:**

Kes walked towards us across the plain, which I now saw, was carpeted with flowers and waving grasses, and across which the coming of morning was beginning to stretch fingers of golden light. Her whole being itself seemed to emit radiance, and I saw also that she was not alone. Walking beside her was a grey wolf, she whom I have come to think of as my spirit guide, beautiful and stately, inspiring both love and awe, and her shadow stretched across the land towards me.

B'Elanna and I stood quietly and waited for them to reach us, somehow it seemed presumptuous to go to meet them. And I also saw, as she came closer, that Kes was carrying gently in her hands a small, brown lizard, which seemed wounded and yet which looked at me with wise eyes full of sorrow and of love. And the knowledge came to me that this was Kathryn's spirit guide.

I cannot say that my heart began to feel hope, but there was born in me the will to accept what was to come, and to know that I would find strength for what I must endure.

At last Kes stood before us. She gave me her gentle smile, and placed her hand on my forehead for a moment in what seemed like a blessing, and then turned to B'Elanna.

"B'Elanna, you have done so well. Your love and strength have helped Chakotay to wake a little from his grief, and given him the will to go on. Go back to _Voyager _now, you are needed there also, and you must not remain too long in this place. Chakotay is safe with us."

B'Elanna turned to me and held me close, and I embraced her one last time, whispering words of thanks to her. She looked at me and touched her hand to mine in farewell, and then gently she melted into the air and was gone. And I turned to face what was coming.

**Kes:**

Explaining in words what had happened would have been impossible, but in this place of the spirit, I needed only to touch my thoughts to Chakotay's to tell him what had happened, and to convey what was needful for him to do. The She-Wolf stood beside him to lend courage and strength, and the Lizard crawled onto his hands as Chakotay knelt beside me. I put my hands either side of his face, and spoke to his mind.

**Chakotay:**

As Kes touched my face, a torrent of images came rushing at me, and threatened to overwhelm me with grief once again. I saw again, unbearably, Kathryn lying stricken in the shuttle, and I also saw myself holding her, and the moment of her death; and the pain of this made me cry out anew. I faltered, but my guide the Wolf pressed against my side and offered me warmth and comfort, and I forced myself to accept the cascade of images, knowing that I must discover, for Kathryn's sake, what had truly happened.

Through Kes' eyes, I saw a realm of brilliant white light and deep shaded darkness, a realm between worlds, a realm between realities, which transcended time and space. And I knew that in this realm there was a constant war between light and darkness which had always been there, an eternal and unending battle.

There were transient points at which this realm touched our own, fracturing our reality, and, in our shuttle, we had stumbled on one of these fissures. The forces in the realm were too much for any mortal to endure, and we had been punished, struck down, by the massively powerful forces we had touched. And yet within, and guarding, the realm were also beings who tried to heal, to guard against the damage done to the worlds without by the raging conflict within, and who had taken pity on us.

They had taken Kathryn's body from me, and cast me aside on an ice-cold planet, to remove us as well as they could from danger; but Kathryn's dreadful death had too abruptly cut her spirit free from her body, and she too was now lost, walking alone and bereft between realities. Her guide the Lizard was wounded by her disappearance, unable to find her spirit, able only to wait and hope that her spirit would become free to find the afterlife. And, drawn by her death to try to find her spirit, I had been brought to this other-world to seek her.

In truth, we are soul-mates, two halves of a whole. And I know now, more strongly than ever that I have to find her.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Thank you very much for your reviews, it means a great deal to me that people have taken the time to read my story and review it. Please carry on letting me know what you think! **_

**Neelix:**

The Doctor and I saw B'Elanna beginning to wake from her vision quest, and I called for Tom to come to sickbay, thinking that she might well need him. As she woke, although her eyes were shining with tears, she was smiling softly. She turned to me and hugged me close.

"I have seen Kes," she said quietly. "She is taking care of Chakotay. I think she will help him to find the Captain's spirit, wherever Kathryn is now. He may never return to us, but if he does not, he is safe with Kes and his spirit guide. I think we have to leave him to them, and look after his body as his spirit journeys to find the Captain. We will know … if we have to finally let him go."

She could not say any more, and as Tom arrived, I gave her into his embrace, and he held her. My heart was full of the knowledge that Kes was somehow with us all, and that now we must have faith that the Captain and Commander would find each other. The bravest and best thing we could do for both of them could indeed be to let them both go. I turned to Chakotay's still form, thinking of my love for Kes and his for the Captain, and tried to be thankful to have had them all in my life.

**Kes:**

Chakotay's eyes widened and his face paled as I imparted my knowledge to him. Nonetheless, I could see in his eyes the resolution and courage he would need to carry him on his journey to find Kathryn's spirit. The selfless quality of his love for her is rare, and he had a constancy of heart and an inner calm which would sustain him in his search for her. I also knew that however she may fight her feelings and seek to deny them, torn as she was between her sense of duty and her emotions, Kathryn's love for Chakotay mirrored his for her.

My powers have become great in this new stage of my being, but although I could help Chakotay to find Kathryn, I could not be the one to bring her out of her ordeal. My love for her on board _Voyager_ had been that of a child - she had helped me to grow, rescued and nurtured me. Now it was as if the roles were reversed, and I felt the love of a mother for her child. And yet as powerful as I am, because Chakotay loved Kathryn as the other half of himself, his love would be the key to freeing her. I shared my strength with him, and opened his thoughts to seeking the way forward.

**Chakotay:**

My mind filled with the knowledge that I could find Kathryn, I looked into Kes' eyes, asking for her help and guidance. She smiled kindly at me.

"The answers you seek are within yourself, Chakotay. I can help you to find the way to Kathryn, but it is only you who can seek her out and free her. You must try to think calmly, to let go of your fears. Perhaps it may help you to focus on your own beliefs."

I sat quietly on the new grass of the green plain, my right hand on the soft grey fur of my spirit guide, the She-Wolf; my left gently holding the little Lizard who was grieving so for Kathryn's absence. I pictured to myself the outline of my medicine wheel, and sought the way to Kathryn in my heart. And it began to come to me that I must travel to the west, the way of the setting sun, the place of wisdom and experience. And with Kes and my guide beside me, I turned my back on the sunrise and went to meet the night.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chakotay:**

With the light of the sunrise behind us, Kes and I walked with the Wolf into the shadows, and I reached out my thoughts to find Kathryn. I looked out across the dark plain, which faded from the newly minted green grass of the east to barren grey dust as it stretched into the distance. And running like a dark ribbon over the desert I saw the way before us, a black road leading westwards into the night, and this is the path we now took.

As we journeyed, I felt again the dreary hopelessness which had weighed on me before, but this time it was different. I knew that these new feelings of despair were coming from Kathryn, and that she was lost and alone. The knowledge that she existed in this place strengthened me, and her need drew me like a lodestar. For her, I could face anything, it was her absence which had drained my spirit and pierced my heart.

We walked in silence for many hours across the plain, under a starless sky. In this place of the spirit, I felt neither hunger nor thirst nor tiredness, but I could feel Kathryn's despair weighing on me like lead, a tangible burden. I knew that the darkness we were walking into, like the grey desolation I had suffered before, was a reflection of Kathryn's sadness, and I longed to find her and bring her comfort.

This longing created in me a sudden surge of determination, and I concentrated my mind on the single idea of reaching her. I stopped, and my companions stopped with me, while the Lizard in my hands gazed out across the plain. And I could see before us what appeared to be the edge of a forest. Twisted trees showed black against the sky, and I knew that in this dark place I would find my Kathryn.

Kes placed her hand on my shoulder, and I realised that from here I must go on without her, while the Wolf lay down beside her on the barren earth to wait. Thanking them both without words, and still carrying the little Lizard in my hands, I left them both and followed the path into the forest.

- vvvvvvv -

It was hard to see under the canopy of the trees. As I pushed my way into the woods, it was as if the branches reached long fingers to trap me as I passed, and thorns sought to catch at my clothes and tear at my skin. This was a place of imprisonment and of fear, no birds sang here, and the darkness was hot and suffocating. I focused every part of my being on pushing through the tangled branches, and summoning all my strength and courage, forced my way through the trees.

At last, hearing the sound of water, I stumbled out from the trees onto the shore of a black lake. I fell to my knees, and the Lizard darted from my hands onto a rock in front of me. I looked up, and there before me, sitting on the shore with her head in her hands, staring blindly into the depths of the lake, looking more alone than I had ever seen her, was Kathryn.


	17. Chapter 17

**Harry Kim:**

It feels as though this ship and its crew are living in some kind of slow motion, as though everyone is frozen with grief for Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. It's like the time we had to leave them both on that planet, but this is so much worse - this time we know for sure that we will never see the Captain again, and that the Commander is all but lost to us also.

I've taken to sitting in the mess-hall at night when I'm not on duty. I can't sleep, and I'm not the only one. People come on ones and twos into the dimly-lit room; and sit for a while, talking quietly to each other, or more often than not, just sitting in silence. Tonight is no different; I'm sitting staring out of the viewport windows at the slowly passing stars, and nursing a cooling cup of tea which I can't even be bothered to drink.

Neelix came over to me earlier, I think he felt in need of some company, and after asking quietly if he could join me, sat down in the chair opposite. It must be so hard for him, too, knowing that B'Elanna has seen Kes. If Kes was out of reach to him before, how much further away she must seem, in the twilight world of the spirit which B'Elanna has described to us. Neelix is such a warm and kind member of this crew, he has tried so hard always to be there for us, and my heart went out to him, he seemed so lost.

He looked at me with a profound sadness, and then, suddenly, he began to talk, the words just pouring out of him;

"I have tried to be glad that Kes is helping the Commander. But I don't understand why they all had to be taken from us, Harry. Wasn't it enough that Kes had to leave me, without our dear friends leaving us too? The Captain … she died in such a terrible and pointless way …. And now the Commander, too, he loved her so much, did you know that? And so even if he ever could come back to us, he would be lost without her. Sometimes I do not understand how the universe can be so cold, so cruel."

Neelix's voice was thick with tears, and I felt the familiar grief in my own chest, heavy as a stone.

"I don't know, Neelix. Sometimes I think it is best not to try to make sense of it all – I'm not sure there is any pattern to any of it, any plan or natural justice. All I know is that we need to be there for each other, and I guess somehow that we will get through it. I think we have to, for the Captain, and for Commander Chakotay, and for Kes. Maybe that way we can try to honour them all"

My words sounded empty, even to me, and though I was going to try to say more to help Neelix, I didn't really feel equal to the attempt. We sat in silence, and I wondered what would become of us all without our friends. And whether Chakotay would be able to find the Captain in the strange afterlife he was walking in. The thought of them being together in some way was the only bleak comfort I could draw in an otherwise desolate universe.

-vvvvv-

**Chakotay:**

Blinded by my own tears, I stumbled towards Kathryn and knelt before her on the cold sand. I whispered her name, and reached out my hands to take hers. Here at last, I thought, there could be no barriers between us, and I looked into her beloved face, ready to offer her my love, ready to spend eternity with her if only we could be together at last.

She seemed to tear her gaze from whatever lay in the glassy depths of the lake, and finally her eyes met mine. But a coldness crept over my spirit – there was no sign of recognition in her eyes, and instead of her familiar warmth and vitality, I saw a dreary hopelessness, as if the fire of her spirit had been extinguished, and the true Kathryn had left, leaving only a shell behind.

"Do I know you?" she asked dully, and her hands slipped from mine. And my hopes fled like water into the inky lake, while the little Lizard, Kathryn's spirit guide, turned away from us and walked slowly away over the barren shore.


	18. Chapter 18

_I watch as the lizard's footprints track away from me, receding and retreating like everything else in my life. For so long, I know that the only thing sustaining me has been the cold company of duty, and now I also know that in this too, I have utterly failed. There was an obligation I needed to fulfil, many people I must not fail, but the memory of it all is fading, leaving only a numb sense of loss. All I have now is emptiness, and as I stare into the leaden waters, I know that in truth I have always been alone, isolated by my own coldness, and that now I will always be alone. I think I have long lost the ability to cry, or to feel anything. I am a dry well, emptied of anything except a paralysing loneliness and a dull sense of dread._

_There is someone sitting next to me on the cold sand. He seems as lost as I am, and together we sit silently, and I taste the bitterness of a life wasted._

_-vvvvv-_

**Chakotay:**

She sits on the bleak shore beside me, the brittle shell of the woman I have loved for so long. Where is the spark of unquenchable spirit and courage which makes her so unique? I cannot believe she has gone forever, there must be something of Kathryn left, and I know that I must try to find her in some way, and that opening my heart to her will in some way ease my own grief. Reaching deep into the recesses of my mind, I begin to speak. Slowly at first, but gaining strength as I speak, the memories and the longing finally find expression in words.

"Do you remember New Earth, Kathryn? The peace and beauty of that place, and the joy of watching you blossom there, has formed the backdrop to my hopes and dreams in the years since we were there together. It was there I told you that I loved you, do you remember? Not directly, but as a legend, I could not say the words out loud, but cloaked them in a story.

"I told you then that in staying by your side, in putting your needs first and above my own, I finally began to find the true meaning of peace. That has not changed, Kathryn. Even if you are now only a shadow of the woman you once were, still my heart cleaves to yours and my peace is found only in your company.

"Over the years my love for you has become second nature to me, as much part of me as breathing or thinking. We have shared laughter, tears, pain, and true friendship, though never intimacy. Ours has indeed been a marriage of true minds, even if you love me only as a friend, and now I find that, as Shakespeare said, I cannot alter when I alteration find – you may not know me, you may not ever love me, but you are still the star which guides me.

"You have talked to me often about the poetry of Dante, and I think that this place where we are now is perhaps for you an outer circle, a place of sadness and of desolation of fear. But I choose to be here with you, Kathryn, as I have since I first saw you.

'In that book which is my memory…

On the first page

That is the chapter when I first met you.

Appear the words …

'Here begins a new life'.

Even in this place, and even if you never know who I am, I would still choose life with you, however heart-rending, than safety without you."

I had been looking into the dark waters of the lake as I talked, but as I spoke these last words, I became aware of a sea-change, as if dark sands shifted and began to settle, and the water began to clear. Slowly, I turned, and hardly daring to hope, looked into Kathryn's face, into which a gentle warmth had begun to thaw the blankness of her gaze. Her blue eyes glittered with tears and a growing recognition.

"Chakotay," she whispered. "Is it really you?"


	19. Chapter 19

_A short chapter, as the next one will follow in a little while._

**Kathryn: **

He has come here for me, and his presence is chasing the shadows from my mind. As he talks to me, speaking gently of the past we have shared, I begin to remember the times we have spent in each other's company. I remember laughter and meals together, I remember a deep and binding friendship, I remember times when we have argued and he has not been afraid to tell me I am wrong; he has always been the better part of myself. I remember him caring for me and protecting me, and I remember that he has always put me first. Can I say the same? It seems that I have been so blinded by duty and by guilt, so afraid to allow anyone to be close to me, that I have not seen him clearly. I have lost my way. He, on the other hand is … as he was meant to be.

**Chakotay: **

The sound of Kathryn whispering my name was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. With the ghost of a smile, she murmured, "Midway upon the journey of our life, I found myself within a forest dark, for the straightforward pathway had been lost." And I knew she was coming back to me. The path before us seemed clear at last, and I leant forward and took her in my arms, not so much as a lover, as to comfort her and to feel the reassurance of her presence. She sighed as if she was coming home, and settled into my embrace, while I at last was able to breathe in the rose-scented fragrance of her hair. And if this was all there ever was I would be content.

But looking into the clearing waters of the lake, I saw that tendrils of inky black were still polluting the depths, and I knew that Kathryn's journey was not yet over. Though the barriers between us were falling, I must allow her to find her way out of the forest into the sunlight.

She looked up at me, and though her eyelids were now heavy with sleep, she smiled up into my eyes, and I could see the truth of her love for me dawning in her eyes. She put her hand up to touch the tattoo on my brow. "I am so tired, Chakotay," she said.

"Sleep now," I said, and touched my lips to hers. And she sank into a dreamless slumber.


	20. Chapter 20

**Kes:**

I stood before Chakotay as he sat on the silent shore with Kathryn sleeping in his arms, and saw that he knew what must happen in order for Kathryn to find peace. He had been willing to share her ordeal with her, and the sacrifice he would make for her freedom would hold no dread for him now. I saw too that the little Lizard had returned, and lay quietly at their feet.

He looked at me clearly, and spoke without fear. "I will wait for her, Kes. I see what has to happen, and I know also that she will return one day and that we will be together at last. But the need for her to guide our people home is strong, and she will not find true peace until she has fulfilled that destiny. Her needs come first and I am content to pay the price. If I must stay in this other-world in order for her to return to life, then I will do so willingly".

As he spoke, the Lizard crept up and lay close to his hand, ready to share his vigil and to watch over Kathryn. The She-Wolf padded out of the forest and lay down against his other side. Chakotay, closing his eyes, pressed his lips to Kathryn's forehead and whispered a quiet farewell to her, and held her out to me.

I bowed my head in acknowledgement of his selfless courage, and held out my arms to take her from him. My thoughts went back to the time in the Nechani sanctuary when Kathryn had risked her life to save mine, and I marvelled at the power of humans to give of themselves to save others. Faster than thought I travelled to a place between worlds, carrying Kathryn with me. And I left Chakotay to his lonely vigil.

- vvvv -

**Q:**

I really am not used to being told what to do. You know that. But then I am also unused to being at a loss. I had searched for Kathy in space and in sub-space, and in many realms, but had not been able to find her. I had realized then that she must be dead and that her spirit was beyond me. So I went with my better impulses, which are usually so well-suppressed, and had tried to find her body and return it to _Voyager _so her benighted crew could say farewell to her properly. But there too, I had drawn a blank. And it was then that, astonishingly, I received a summons from the little Ocampan who had served at one time on the ship.

It seems, much as I hate to admit it, that Kes has grown from being a helpless child-woman, to a being more powerful than myself, or at least with powers equal to but different to mine. I found myself waiting on a plain of harvested corn, before a stone arch which stood over a worn paved road, looking westwards into a clear sky the colour of golden wine. If I am honest, I was also tapping my foot impatiently.

It takes a great deal to surprise me – after all, I have seen pretty much everything during the millennia of my existence. But I confess to feeling both surprise and an unwilling admiration as I beheld Kes walking towards me, carrying an unconscious Kathy. To Kes' credit, she spoke courteously to me.

"For Kathryn to return to her ship and find peace, Chakotay has given his life in her stead. As you see I have brought her spirit from the other-world, but I ask you now to wait for me while I go to ask the guardians of the realm which took her life, to return her body to us. Q, will you guard her here, and then help me to restore her to her family on _Voyager_?"

Of course I would. I accepted the fragile burden of Kathy's spirit, and Kes melted away and went in search of the little captain's human form. I sat down on the worn stones under the archway between life and death and waited for what would unfold, for once content to be the instrument rather than the arbiter of events.


	21. Chapter 21

**Q:**

I'm not used to the protective feelings I experienced as I sat on the worn paving stones, cradling Kathy. I also found myself hoping with a desperate hope that Kes would be able to bring the little Captain's mortal body back from the chaotic realm to which it had been taken.

The landscape I was sitting in seemed timeless, but I was aware of waiting, and after a long pause, the clear air began to waver, and Kes shimmered into existence before me, an expression of wonder on her elfin face. At her feet lay the physical form of Kathryn Janeway, looking if possible even smaller than usual – white, still and quite without that spark of vitality and combativeness which made teasing her so rewarding. I felt an unfamiliar surge of emotion, and something very close to tears welled in my eyes. Unconsciously I tightened my embrace around the sleeping form of Kathy's spirit, and asked Kes what we should do.

-vvvv-

**Kes: **

I went from the limpid golden light of the archway to a realm of terrible chaos, of swirling darkness shot through with streaks of blood red and with flashes of a brilliant but sickly white. I stood in the eye of the storm, and asked the guardians of this battle-torn place for their help.

When they came, they took the form of a slender child – dark-haired, pale-skinned, but with the wisdom of eternity in his bearing.

We stood together in an arena of calm, surrounded by the clashing sounds of conflict, and I gently touched my mind to his. I sensed a deep regret in him for the unwitting damage done to other worlds and creatures by the relentless struggle within his world, and a determination to limit that damage if he could. I touched a well of compassion and benevolence within this being and his kind, and I reached out to him and shared some of my strength and goodwill. I asked also for Kathryn's body to be returned to me. I showed him the wrongness of her death, the dreadful grief it had caused; and told him of the way in which Chakotay had sacrificed himself for her.

Willingly he granted my request and Kathryn's body appeared before me, healed of her terrible injuries, but bone-white and fragile, eyes closed and her uniform ragged and bloody. Thanking the guardian, I travelled with Kathryn's lifeless form back to the archway, where Q was waiting for me. He looked solemnly up at me, and asked quietly, "What now, Kes?"

"We must carry her spirit and her body back from the world of the dead to the world of the living."

And Q stood and carefully joined me under the arch, and together, carrying the twin mortal and immortal forms of Kathryn Janeway, we stepped quietly from her death to her life.

-vvvv-

**B'Elanna:**

I've taken to sitting in Sickbay most days after my shift. Being with Chakotay as he began his search for the Captain has brought me a kind of peace, but I miss him terribly. Deep within me, beneath the fragile surface of this new peace, is a profound grief for him and for the Captain which threatens to undo me, and so I come here to keep this last link with him.

Neelix often comes in and sits with us, and I have a growing respect for him which has moved far beyond the exasperated affection I used to feel for him. The Doctor is a constant, comforting companion. And Tom joins me whenever he can, partly for Chakotay, but also I think to keep me company, and to give me the comfort of his presence. We sit quietly and keep watch over our friend.

Today seemed no different to any other day. Tom and I sat next to Chakotay as he lay motionless on his bio-bed, hooked up to the Doctor's many monitors with their lights blinking regularly, and I listened to the gentle sound of his heart-beat pulsing slowly and reassuringly. I sat beside my beloved friend, holding his unresponsive hand, wondering where he was on his journey and praying to whichever deities were listening.

Sickbay was filled all at once by the shrilling of several alarms. Suddenly, horrifyingly, Chakotay's body arched convulsively, and the beat of his heart was replaced by a constant high-pitched whine. The Doctor shouldered me aside, and the arch of the bio-bed curved over.

"Help him!" I cried, and Tom pulled me away from the bed, to allow the Doctor room to work. Together they tried again and again to re-start Chakotay's heart, but the room remained full of the relentless alarm sounding Chakotay's death, and I knew he had left us at last. Tom turned to me with tears running down his face, and held me as I cried for my beloved friend.


	22. Chapter 22

**Tom:**

I held B'Elanna as she wept brokenly for Chakotay, and I tried to avert my eyes from his still form. It is strange that although he had been in his coma for so long, still there had been a faint presence of life about him. Now he was empty, a shadow of himself, silent and motionless as a stone figure on a medieval tomb.

Chakotay and I had our differences, especially after my brief time in the Maquis, and we had clashed early on during our journey on Voyager. I had sensed that he had resented owing me his life, but though I had felt his anger and contempt for me, I had always respected and liked him. As I looked at him now, I felt only a profound sorrow and a double sense of loss – we had now lost not only our Captain, but our First Officer, a man whom I had come to see as a true friend and mentor. I could only hope that they had found each other at last.

As B'Elanna cried in my arms, and I wept for Chakotay also, the Doctor quietly removed the medical trappings from Chakotay's bed, straightened his limbs and smoothed down his dark hair, as gently as if he could still feel it. There was an air of defeat about the Doctor that I had not seen before, his usual air of faint superiority had been knocked out of him, and I could see a deep sadness in his face also.

As we stood there together, Neelix came in quietly, and stood aghast as he saw what had happened, and the realization of Chakotay's death struck him. He came over to us and put his hand on B'Elanna's shoulder, swallowing hard, and then touched his fingers to Chakotay's cooling forehead in blessing.

His eyes met mine, and he spoke quietly. "I will inform the crew," he said, and turned to leave the room.

But before he reached the doors, we saw the blue shimmer of a transporter beam, and before us appeared the very last thing I was expecting to see.

**Harry Kim:**

Tuvok was in command, seated in the chair I will always think of as Captain Janeway's. I was at Ops, half-heartedly scanning the stars for anomalies. At times like this I feel, more than ever, the absence of the Captain – I have the utmost respect for Commander Tuvok, but the Captain gave us a focus of determination and challenge which was the lifeblood of this ship and its crew, and had brought out the best in all of us. And Commander Chakotay's strong and compassionate presence and understated humour had been a constant reassurance, too – life seemed so much emptier without them both on the bridge.

There was no white flash this time. I became gradually aware of Q kneeling next to me, and with him, shockingly, was the bloodstained form of Captain Janeway. Her eyes were open and glassy, and her face white and pinched, but it seemed to me that she was trying to speak.

At once the bridge was galvanized into movement. Tuvok came to his feet, and what sounded very like a break in his voice, ordered the Captain to be taken to Sickbay at once. Q's eyes met mine and he nodded to me without a trace of his usual mockery. I carefully picked up the fragile burden of my Captain in my arms, and ordered an emergency transport to Sickbay, hardly daring to believe that Captain Janeway could be alive after all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Neelix:**

Still stunned by the dreadful shock of Commander Chakotay's sudden death, I was quite unable to take in the appearance of Harry Kim carrying Captain Janeway's inert form in his arms, followed by the white flash of Q's arrival.

All motion hung suspended in Sickbay for a long moment, but then Harry moved forward and laid the Captain gently on the bio-bed furthest from Chakotay's. I saw Harry glance over at Tom in a sudden appalled realization of what had happened, but before he could say anything, the Doctor went quickly to examine the Captain.

B'Elanna gave Tom a gentle push, sending him to help the Doctor, and she sat down quietly at the head of Chakotay's bed. I sat next to her, and tentatively put my arm around her shoulders – she looked tiredly at me, and leant back against me in an admission of vulnerability which moved me very much. And then, keeping vigil over one friend, we watched anxiously as the Doctor worked desperately to try to help the other.

**The Doctor:**

I had been unable to save Commander Chakotay, and Captain Janeway's sudden return had been almost too much even for me to take in. Ensign Kim laid her carefully on the bio-bed, and my programming took over, I was not about to lose a precious chance to have our captain restored to us, even after the sickening shock of Chakotay's death.

Q stood quietly at the foot of her bio-bed, and I was grateful that for once he spoke only in answer to my questions, but he answered me clearly and honestly. And so, as I worked, we learned of Chakotay's selfless sacrifice, and of how he had given his life to return the Captain to hers. Q told us also of the Guardians of the realm the Captain and Chakotay had stumbled upon, and of how they had healed the worst of her physical injuries, and tried to save Chakotay by sending him back to us.

I examined the Captain, and found that she was barely conscious, and pale from blood-loss. I treated her for this and for shock, her skin being cold and clammy, and I could see that her body was recovering. But I could not judge of her mind's recovery following the unbelievable trauma of these events, and I asked Mr. Paris to stand beside her as I revived her fully, knowing that his presence, irritating though it often is to me, might well reassure and comfort the Captain.

**Tom Paris:**

I took a deep breath and nodded to the Doctor to wake the Captain. I was in awe of what she had suffered, and of Chakotay's sacrifice. Strong though she was, how would she cope with returning to life and then with the loss of her first officer, the man who loved her so much he had given his life in her place? It didn't seem to me to be a time for protocol – after such a terrible ordeal, what she would need would be the love and support of her friends, and I took her hands in mine as the Doctor woke her.

The hypospray hissed gently as the Doctor placed it against her neck, and her blue eyes opened, slowly at first, but then widening in shock.

"Easy, Captain," I said quietly. "You're safe now".

She looked up at me, disbelief and confusion warring in her face, and then a look I had never seen in her before, that of a lost child, terrified and alone. Tears came to her eyes, and I could only put my arms around her and hold her close, trying to shield her from the sight of Chakotay lying cold and motionless on his bed. After a moment, she spoke in a voice made hesitant and ragged from lack of use.

"Tom. I remember …. ", and she struggled to sit up.

And then she looked over my shoulder, and I felt the moment she saw him.

And her heart-broken cry rent the air.


	24. Chapter 24

**Kathryn:**

I woke, unbelievably, in Sickbay. For a long moment, I lay, completely unable to understand what had happened, and if it hadn't been for the gentle reassuring grip of Tom's hands on mine, I would utterly have doubted the reality of my surroundings. Fragmented memories came to me, of a bitter agony, of loneliness, of feeling cold and lost, and then, gradually, of a bright awakening to the knowledge of Chakotay's profound love for me. And of the unfurling of the slow awareness that I loved him too, that I had loved him for many years, perhaps since the first time I had seen him. Coming to consciousness in the sterile light of sickbay was like waking from a dream, only to realize that the cold glare of day was the reality, not the loving warmth and comfort of the sleeping world.

It was suddenly far too much to have it all torn away from me, just as I had realized that duty was not all, and that there could also be love in my world. Hot tears came unbidden to my eyes as I found myself back in the unyielding realm of duty and of suppressed emotion. I struggled to speak, the words coming with an unpractised difficulty, as I tried to express what had happened, and to ask for Chakotay.

But as I spoke, held in Tom's comforting embrace, I looked across Sickbay, and as my eyes finally focused, a sickening realization curled its way around my understanding. He lay there empty and hollow, his warmth and vital presence drained from him, the husk of the man I had never had the courage to admit my love to, the one whose love and constant support had become the unspoken prop of my life. And I cried out, bitterly, against fate and against death for taking him from me.

Tom prevented me from standing and going to him. "Wait, Kathryn," he said gently. "Let us look after you first. B'Elanna and Neelix are watching over him, let your family take care of you both."

**Harry:**

It brought tears to my own eyes to see the Captain so broken by her ordeal. Tom looked at us all as if asking for help with her, and Q came forward and stood quietly on her other side. "Kathryn," he said, "You will not want to hear this now, but in the end it will help you to understand what has happened. Your journey is not yet over, your people on _Voyager_ need you, and Chakotay understood that. His spirit, his life-force, is in the other-world you left behind, but he is content to wait for you, and he knows and accepts that your need is greater than his. He … has given his life for yours, but willingly, and so that you may fulfil your destiny."

Q walked quietly over to Chakotay's body, and looked down at him with a new respect. "He is, or was, a brave man Kathryn. He would want you live your life as you are meant to, and to bring your people home."

I could see the Captain biting her lip, trying to hold in her feelings, but this was too much even for her, the bravest person I have ever known. She broke down and wept brokenly as Tom held her close, and I stood with them, trying to let her know that I was there for her. I knew that she would continue to devote herself to the task of bringing _Voyager _home. And while this might fulfil her destiny as our captain, it would destroy her as a person - she would perform her duty at the cost of her own happiness, but she would have to go on alone, both for the crew, and for Chakotay who had given his life for her.

At length, I could see the Captain try to square her shoulders to face this new, intolerable burden and that, more than anything, broke my heart. I could not imagine how she would bear this load, and I vowed silently to be there whenever I could, to lighten it for her. But what it would cost her as a person could not be measured.


	25. Chapter 25

**Tuvok:**

Calm and undisturbed as my emotions usually are, I cannot help but be aware, and be affected by, the intense confusion of feelings coming from _Voyager_'s crew. Joy and relief at Captain Janeway's unexpected return is warring with a deep grief and shock at the selfless death of Commander Chakotay. For myself, I admit to a satisfaction, even gladness, at Kathryn Janeway's return; but my respect and admiration for Commander Chakotay has increased greatly. And I cannot help but see the effect that his loss, and the ordeal she has endured, had had on the Captain.

She called me to her ready-room this morning, ostensibly to discuss general ship's business, but also to revise the structure of the senior crew in view of the loss of the Commander. When I arrived, she was standing by the viewport, as still as if she was carved from stone, staring out unseeing at the stars and with an untouched cup of coffee in her hand. Always small, she seems now both physically and mentally diminished, her face pinched and pale, and her eyes, suddenly seeming much older, showing an unaccustomed dull grey. And I could sense a palpable wave of anguish coming from her, which I believe would have brought most humans to their knees.

She turned and nodded to me with a visible effort, and the mask of command slipped back over her face. With her customary grace, she turned her mind to our meeting, and to discussion of matters concerning ship and crew.

I had realised that I must be Chakotay's natural successor as First Officer, but I also understood that this would be a very difficult issue for Captain Janeway to broach. Many years of dealing with humans in general, and with this one human in particular, led me to try to help her. With as much delicacy as I could muster, and with some diffidence, I began, "I understand that Commander Chakotay's place will be very difficult to fill, Captain, and that you had complete trust in him. I will, however, if you wish it, attempt to fulfill the role of First Officer to the best of my ability – you know that you can always depend on me".

At this, the Captain turned to me with the first faint sign of a smile I had seen in her for some time. "I know that, Tuvok. You are my dear friend, I have always been able to trust your counsel, and of course you are the natural choice to be First Officer. There is no-one else I could ask to succeed …. "

She paused, and I could see the struggle for control resume in her. It seemed to me that allowing her to express her feelings might be the first, and best, assistance I could render her – after all, I knew that the Commander had often performed this role for her, and that now, there was really no-one else to whom she could talk freely.

"Kathryn", I began, using the Captain's given name with some hesitation, "It may help you to know that I am always available to try to share your burdens. If I can assist now, please talk to me – if I cannot fully share your emotions, I can at least try to understand them, and to offer what comfort I can".

This seemed to unlock something within her, and as if the words were torn from somewhere deep in her being, Kathryn Janeway opened her heart to me.

"For my whole life, Tuvok, I have loved and been fascinated by the stars. I have, I know, been very privileged to have spent my life among them, and to have led this unparalled crew as we journey among them. But since what I suppose I must call my death, since I sat, stripped of all pretence, and looked into the barrenness of my own heart, and especially since losing Chakotay, I have lost my desire for life and for adventure. It is as if I am watching myself from the outside, watching a woman who is still able to function, to make decisions, but whose heart is elsewhere, left in that strange afterlife with him".

She paused, nervously twisting her thin hands, and went on, "It seems I am in a play of my own life, watching from the wings. I speak, I act, but my words and deeds belong to a woman who has left her heart elsewhere, who truly has died inside. And now … like the protagonist in a Greek tragedy, I have to arrange the funeral of my friend, my help-meet, the man who loved me not only enough to give me space and time to realize that I love him in return, but who gave his life so that I could fulfill mine. And this life has been led in a way which now seems, if not selfish, at least grounded in a sense of my own importance, of an inflated sense of duty without love, and of self-indulgent guilt."

"I know, in one way, that he was quite right. I had to discover for myself that sometimes the most important thing is the journey and the people who travel with you, not the destination. And that this ship, and he ….. are my true home". The Captain's considerable control broke at last with these words, and she raised her tear-streaked eyes to meet mine.

"But how can I do it, Tuvok? How can I release the body of the man who loved me so deeply, to the unfeeling depths of space? I know that he is waiting for me, but will I ever be able to find him again?"

Her anguish was so stark that I could only honour the way she had maintained her dignity in the face of all she had suffered. I took her hands in mine, and spoke to her from the well of feeling which lies deep beneath the logical exterior of all my people. "Kathryn, the bond between you and the Commander is as deep as any between a husband and wife. His love for you is selfless, he understands you in a way most humans can never attain, through the link of the spirit you experienced together. He would understand that his friends need to say goodbye to him, and he would also recognize that you must release his body to the stars."

"As for finding him again, who can ever doubt that after searching for you when you were lost, that he will be there waiting for you when the times comes? Let him go now, I will help to arrange his farewell. I honour his memory, his courage and devotion to you, and I will be glad to honour him further in death.

I recall that one of your poets talked long ago of a marriage of true minds. His is a love stronger than death, and I believe is matched by your love for him".

**Kathryn:**

I started at Tuvok's final words, hearing the echo of Chakotay's words to me on that strange shore. And I knew my old friend was right, I had now to let Chakotay go. I clasped Tuvok's hands in thanks. We stood together, and with my heart heavy with grief, but with a new knowledge that I had to proceed with this, I went with Tuvok to Sickbay, to ask the Doctor to prepare Chakotay for his last journey.


	26. Chapter 26

**Kathryn:**

Tonight, there is nothing for me but to be alone and to wait. My friends, my family, on this ship, would be glad to share this time with me, I know – there is not one amongst them who has not tried to ease my pain in recent days, to try to lessen my sorrow as much as they can.

I have watched them. B'Elanna, whose grief for Chakotay is like an echo of my own. Tom, whose warmth and willingness to bend the rules has meant that he has dared to breach protocol and offer me comfort. Harry, whose gentle eyes show that he understands my feelings, but who, unlike his friend, would never presume to cross the line of command, and offers instead an quiet, devoted strength and support. The Doctor, who stood with me yesterday as I asked him for his help to prepare for the service tomorrow, who has been so considerate of my well-being, and who I know is also grieving in his own way. Neelix, whose kindness takes so many forms, most often in supplying carefully prepared, dainty dishes which he hopes will tempt my appetite, but also in venturing often to ask me how I am. Seven of Nine, who is making her own journey towards humanity, and who, though she cannot understand my feelings, has yet tried in her own way to offer practical solutions to make my task easier on _Voyager. _ And Tuvok, who has been constantly at my side, trying to lighten my burden, offering a sympathy and compassion which has meant all the more coming from my unemotional Vulcan friend.

Tonight they, and many of the crew, are also keeping vigil. They have offered me companionship, but have understood that I need this night to reflect, knowing that tomorrow will be so difficult for me to face. Tomorrow, after the service, I must try to pick up the pieces of my life, to live as Chakotay would have wanted me to do. But tonight I can feel only a sick tiredness, a weight of grief pressing down on me, and I can only wonder how I will ever endure the burden of having to live out the term of my life without him. The awareness that he is waiting for me offers only a dim consolation - all I can think of is his cold shell, robbed forever of his warm vitality, waiting to be sent out into the unfeeling firmament.

Sitting in the quiet darkness of my quarters, the only light comes from the faint starshine through the viewport, which glimmers on a picture which stands on the low table in front of me. Chakotay smiles out at me, caught unawares by a crewman with a holo-imager, and the sight of this image causes me to catch my breath at a sudden knife-sharp pain. What have I have been foolish enough to turn my back on? I know I will miss not only the warmth and comfort of his personality, but his physical reality, his dark eyes, his sudden dazzling smile, the uniqueness of the intricate tattoo on his brow, the solidity of his strength, contained by gentleness.

I miss the times when he has placed his hand in comfort on my shoulder, the times when I have awoken in sickbay to the awareness of his patient devotion, the times, rarer in later days, when we have laughed together or shared a meal, or discussed our love of poetry or philosophy. My own blindness sickens me, and I feel, more than ever the waste of his life, and of my own. Suddenly terrified by the darkness which holds this endless loss and relentless judgement, I stand, ready to go in search of company, to the comfort of friends who will not judge me as I do, a woman who has turned her back on the best thing in her life. I stumble as I rise, and as I do, I am startled by the sudden crackling of my combadge, and by Harry's voice, shaking with emotion.

"Captain Janeway. I am so sorry to disturb you. But … you must come to the bridge at once".


	27. Chapter 27

_A longer chapter today, to be followed shortly by another chapter, as the threads of my story start to draw together. Thank you so much for your feedback and reviews – one of the loveliest things about this process has been talking to some wonderful people on this great site, I have felt so encouraged and I really appreciate it! Thank you, from Claire._

-vvvv-

**Tom Paris:**

It was a time for waiting. Those of us who were on the bridge had been joined by a few of those who were off-duty, and I know that many others had gathered in the mess-hall with Neelix. I was at the helm, Tuvok was in command, Harry was at his station, and B'Elanna had come to wait with us. Seven had also come to the bridge, I think in an effort to show us that she was there for us, but also because I believe she had genuinely respected Chakotay. We sat, chatting quietly, remembering him, while my thoughts, and I am sure the thoughts of many of us there, reached out to the Captain sitting alone in her quarters, preparing to say goodbye to the man she loved so much. She must have been aware that any one of us would gladly have kept her company, but, characteristically and bravely, she was shouldering her intolerable burden alone.

I could even have wished for Q to turn up, he would have been able to overcome the isolation of her position, and sit with her and even offer her some comfort - I had a new regard for him in recent times, he had shown a gentler and steadier side to his character which I would not have suspected. But I knew now that in many ways, she was truly more alone than ever – the one man who had been able to talk to her and understand her as the other half of himself, was lying pale and cold in his stasis chamber, waiting for his final journey tomorrow. Did his spirit, in the afterlife where he had stayed, know that we were preparing to say our last farewells to him?

The night stretched before us,broken only by the subdued murmur of our talking, and by the constant and customary hum of the engines. B'Elanna had come to sit by me, and was talking to me quietly about her memories of Chakotay, I knew that the day to come would be awful for her, and hoped that the service for him would bring her some kind of peace, though I knew that she would always mourn him. For myself, I thought back to the way he had resented my help when I first knew him, but that he had saved my life many times in return, and I would miss him greatly.

This reverie was broken by the sound of a message coming in from Sickbay on Tuvok's console, and it was so quiet on the bridge that we all heard the Doctor's words, though he was speaking in a low voice. And what he had to say made my heart grow cold within me.

"Mr Tuvok, can I ask you to come to Sickbay at once? I need to speak to you urgently …. the Commander's body … it has vanished. And I do not want to tell the Captain until we have established what has happened".

B'Elanna looked at me in appalled shock, and we both turned to Tuvok. For once, I was glad of his unflappable calm – he asked Harry to take the conn, and left immediately for Sickbay without any further comment. Harry, clearly as shaken as the rest of us, took the command chair, and we sat in an uneasy silence, not daring to think what this latest blow might mean.

-vvvv-

**Harry:**

When I heard the Doctor's words, I felt sick, and only the training I have received at Starfleet, and on _Voyager_, enabled me to give some appearance of steadiness, and to take over from Commander Tuvok. The faces of everyone around me had turned pale, and I knew that I couldn't let them down – the best thing to do was to try and maintain some routine. I took the command chair, and trying to put as much authority into my voice as possible, said, "I know how you feel everyone, I feel pretty shaken myself, but we have to try to keep things going until Mr Tuvok and the Doctor can report back to us. We have to, for Captain Janeway's sake."

Everyone murmured in assent, and Tom looked at me with a nod of approval, and then turned back to the helm. Seven went to take my place at Ops, and I sat back and fixed my gaze on the stars streaking past the main view-screen, and tried not to think about what this might do to my fragile Captain.

**Seven:**

I approved of Mr Kim's attempts to bring some stability to the bridge crew, and felt the best help I could offer would be unobtrusively to take his station, and to reassure others with my calm demeanour. All systems were functioning acceptably, and so I began to monitor the space within and around the ship for any anomalies, for anything which might give me some suggestion as to where to search for Commander Chakotay's remains. For myself, I feel that the fate of one's body after death is unimportant, but I am learning that the crew of this ship do not feel the same, and that they need the opportunity to bid him farewell. And if I am honest with myself, I know that I will feel his absence too - he was an effective member of this crew and an efficient first officer.

After scanning the area around the ship for some while, I became aware of a disturbance in the fabric of space to the starboard side of _Voyager. _It seemed, more than anything, like a fracture in space, but of a type with which I was unfamiliar. I at once alerted the bridge crew, and switched the main view-screen to show an image of the rift.

**Harry:**

I have to admit that my first, unworthy response to Seven's observation was, "What now?", but my initial reaction soon gave way to a sense of wonder. A rift appeared to be opening in space, but slowly, and within the fissure we could see brilliant colours – gold, red, white – beginning to creep out of the gap and illuminate the darkness of space around it. I summoned Mr Tuvok to return to the bridge, and asked Seven for her assessment. Though she was unable to identify the cause or structure of the phenomenon, she informed us that it was about five metres in diameter, and emitting massive amounts of an unknown energy.

After some minutes, it became apparent that there was a figure in the anomaly, silhouetted black against the swirling colours behind it. The figure emerged slowly, and as it became clearer, I saw that it appeared to be a slight, child-like being, recognisably humanoid, dressed in a shimmering golden robe. As it drew nearer still, I could see that it was speaking. And suddenly, without any action from us, we could all hear its voice, seemingly neither male or female, but with great power and resonance, echoing around the bridge.

"Crew of _Voyager_, I have come to repay a debt. May I come aboard your vessel and speak to you?"


	28. Chapter 28

**Tuvok:**

I returned to the bridge in time to hear the request from the alien being, and decided that as it seemed to have peaceful intentions, and as its powers were clearly so much greater than ours, it seemed reasonable in this first-contact situation, not to cause antagonism, but to allow it to come unopposed aboard the ship. I nodded to Ensign Kim, and he answered, "We would be glad to welcome you aboard".

As he spoke, the figure outside _Voyager _faded, and reappeared before us on the bridge. Slight in build though it was, the being shimmered with golden light, and had an aura of profound dignity and of power which impressed me greatly. "What may we call you?" I asked.

"I have no name as you would understand it, but we are the Guardians of the war-torn place which took your Captain. Our realm has been beset since time began, by the clash of great forces of light and darkness. We have tried to shelter the worlds without from the anguish within, but sometimes the battle will take innocent victims, as it did when your small craft was struck by the forces within our realm".

"The war within is elemental, chaotic, the total absence of order. Until now. The being Kes, who came to us to ask for your Captain's body … she imparted something new to us. She has shown us a power, a tranquility, a goodwill, which we believe may offer the beginning of hope, a pouring of oil on the waters, a way in which the diametrically opposed sides in our conflict may begin to co-exist and balance. And out of this new hope is arising a desire for life, a new strength, and a possible dawning of peace."

"We understand from our exchange with Kes that one of your family, your crew, gave his life so that your Captain could return to you. This selflessness is something new for us – we have known the gift of compassion, but not the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the higher good, for the benefit of others. His courage has brought a new resolve to our realm. We would like to honour his integrity and sacrifice, and the birth of a hope for peace within our realm has allowed us to make the gift of a life in return."

The bridge had fallen silent, I believe the crew hardly dared to hope what might occur next, but I was aware that Mr Kim was contacting the Captain, and it seemed logical on this occasion to allow him to proceed; "Captain Janeway. I am so sorry to disturb you. But … you must come to the bridge at once".


	29. Chapter 29

_The last chapter! Please let me know what you think, and thank you everyone for reading my story._

**Harry:**

The Captain arrived on the bridge so quickly that she had to lean against the door to catch her breath. I saw her draw the mask of command back over her face, and brace herself with her usual courage to face whatever was to come. She looked over at the Guardian, and opened her mouth to speak, but Tuvok, going to her side, gestured quietly for her to wait.

The Guardian smiled at her and bowed his head in acknowledgement.

"Captain," he said, "I offer you a gift which is the outcome of our encounter with you, the fruit of contact with the strength and compassion of Kes and a new understanding of love and of sacrifice. It signals the dawn of peace in our realm."

Gradually, gently, he faded from our view. We were left in silence on the bridge for a moment, but the air seemed charged as if with faint music, and we waited as if time itself were suspended. I moved closer and stood against the Captain's shoulder, ready to hold her up if need be – she seemed suddenly so small and vulnerable.

We saw the air before us began to shimmer, and a second figure begin waveringly to appear. Standing bathed in a golden glow, the unmistakeable tall figure of our First Officer and friend took shape from the light. As he began to assume solid form, I saw his eyes were closed, but as he gained substance, he opened his eyes. An expression of amazement and wonder crossed his face, and then a look of intense gladness and gratitude. I saw the moment he caught sight of the Captain, and he smiled, and breathed the first word of his new life, her name.

The light released him gently from its grasp, but he stumbled and fell forward to his knees.

The Captain, beside me staggered also, and Tuvok and I caught her, and we heard her ragged whisper, her whole heart in her voice.

"Oh my love," she said. "Have you come home?".

- vvvv -

**B'Elanna:**

Chakotay collapsed, and I rushed forward to help him, Tom at my side. I could barely see my friend for the tears welling in my eyes, but Tom had the wit to call for the Doctor to come to the bridge. Chakotay laboured for breath, and as I put my arms around him, I could feel his heart beating in great thumps as it struggled to pump his blood again. We laid him gently down on the deck, and I held his hand and touched my fingers to his forehead, hardly daring to believe that my dear friend had returned. When the Doctor arrived, he administered something to help Chakotay's breathing and he lay back exhausted, eyes closed, but definitely …. alive. Against all reason, against all possibility, he had come back to us.

**Tom:**

While we helped Chakotay, I looked up and saw the Captain frozen on the upper deck of the bridge as if she was unable to take in what had happened. She was white with shock but I also saw a dawning, incredulous joy. Then as if waking from a dream, she moved slowly towards us, and I caught B'Elanna's hand to pull her back, knowing that this was Kathryn and Chakotay's moment.

As the Captain reached his side, it was as if they were the only two beings in the universe, bathed as they were in the faint afterglow of the golden light. She knelt next to him, and her tears fell on his closed eyelids.

At the touch of her tears, his eyes opened slowly and looked into hers, and it seemed as his dark brown eyes met her tear-brightened blue ones, that the earth met the sky.

**Kathryn:**

My shock and disbelief were giving way to a flash flood of joy, but even yet, my first words to him began as an apology, for everything he had gone through, for the unbelievable sacrifice he had made for me, and perhaps above all, for denying my feelings for so long. As the strength returned to him, he sat up, and laid his fingers on my lips to quieten me, and smiled into my eyes.

**Chakotay:**

Impossible as it seemed, I had been given the chance of a new life, and with Kathryn. She had never looked more beautiful, and I could see her love for me shining in her eyes, though I could also see that she was pale, and her face was drawn. Her first words, characteristically, were driven by her ever-present sense of guilt, and she tried to apologise to me for something that needed no apology. I hushed her, and lent my forehead against hers, taking a moment to rest against her and breathe again the rose-scented fragrance of her hair. I felt the blood coursing again in my veins, the breath in my lungs, and my heart beating in time with hers. It was as if my spirit, returning, greeted and recognised the other half of myself.

As my strength returned I took her hand, and stood, pulling her gently to her feet. I tilted her head up to mine, re-learning the outline of her beloved face, tracing her skin with gentle fingers and wiping the tears from her eyes. She raised her hand to my face also, and I leaned into her touch.

**Kathryn:**

I thought his physical presence had been forever denied to me, and so I did now what I had always longed to do - I ran my finger-tips over the elegant outlines of his tattoo, traced the outline of his jaw, and touched my fingers to his lips.

And then, oblivious to the tears and smiles around us, and completely uncaring of protocol, I reached up and brought his head down to mine and kissed him. His arms went around me as if he would never let me go again, and he kissed me with an intensity which robbed me of anything except the feeling of his mouth on mine**.**

**Tom:**

It took some time before they broke apart and turned to us, their delighted family. The formidable Captain had been set aside momentarily by Kathryn, but I knew that from now on, the two parts of our Captain's character would co-exist and strengthen each other. Leaning against Chakotay, with a blush of happiness which restored her youth, she seemed almost ready to faint, but her dazzling smile lit up the bridge. She turned to Tuvok with an order, even while I went forward to hug them both, and B'Elanna and Harry followed suit, and the Doctor smiled at us all.

"Mr Tuvok," she said. "You have the bridge."

**Kathryn:**

Tonight I am sitting by his side, keeping watch over his sleep, unwilling to close my own eyes in case I waste a moment. The tendrils of guilt which have wound around my thoughts ever since _Voyager _was stranded, and the pain and sorrow which have weighed constantly on my spirit, have melted from me. My happiness and contentment are complete, and I am taking this time to sit quietly with him, knowing that our journey and discovery of each other stretches before us.

As I sit beside him, hearing the miracle of his gentle breathing and feeling the warmth of his hand in mine, I am aware suddenly of a familiar white flash. Turning my head, but holding still to Chakotay's hand, I am unsurprised to see Q sitting relaxed in a chair, smiling at me.

"As second chances go, Kathy, this may just be the greatest ever," he says kindly.

"Thank you, Q," I say quietly. "I know that this would not have happened without you, and without Kes, and without Chakotay's courage."

Q comes over and stands at the other side of the bed, looking down at us both.

"What you have is indeed rare," he says slowly. "You complete each other in a way I have not witnessed before, and which I will never experience myself. I both envy and admire you. Do not waste this chance, for it is unique."

As he fades from view, I take off my shoes and lie down next to Chakotay. He stirs in his sleep and puts his arm around me, pulling me close, and murmurs into my hair. It is as if it has always been this way.

I am truly home

**Q:**

The last word, as always, should be mine, but on this occasion there is one I will allow to speak for me**. **Genius though I am, I have to admit that my friend William puts it better for them than even I ever could.

_Sonnet 116_

_Let me not to the marriage of true minds_

_Admit impediments. Love is not love_

_Which alters when it alteration finds,_

_Or bends with the remover to remove:_

_O, no! It is an ever-fixed mark,_

_That looks on tempests, and is never shaken,_

_It is the star to every wandering bark,_

_Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken._

_Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks_

_Within his bending sickle's compass come;_

_Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,_

_But bears it out even to the edge of doom._

_If this be error, and upon me proved,_

_I never writ, nor no man ever loved._


End file.
